How Do You Nurture, Strengthen and Expand your Resilience Muscle?

From age 14 until age 50, I was either self-employed or an employee. Around 2003, when ConAgra Foods, the company I worked for, closed its office in Raleigh, I had two choices. Either move to Minneapolis or take a “package.” I had no idea what a package meant – but I quickly learned that it meant bye-bye.

So, with two kids in private school, a mortgage, and many expenses, I was unemployed for the first time in my career.

After a period of feeling sorry for myself, I knew I had to figure out how to be resilient. I was lost for a while, unsure how to get through this odd feeling of losing my identity with my job.

I was a VP of Marketing without a marketing department. A lot of my identity was tied up in work. This period was an opportunity to figure out the next chapter.

Fortunately, I met Bob Stapleton at Lee Hecht Harrison, an outplacement service. Bob taught me a lot about my job search, but he taught me a much more important lesson about resilience. I’m so fortunate that he was sitting on the other side of the desk, wanting to talk about Philadelphia Cheese Steaks, his work in the grocery business as an HR professional, and life in general.

Bob helped me do an inventory of my skills and helped me to start focusing on networking because he reminded me how important community and connection could be during a job search. Most of all, he believed in me and helped me regain my confidence.

I turned the page and reimagined the future – and all I found were options.

The Resilience Muscle – A Vital Skill to Hone

With Bob’s guidance, he guided me, like a personal trainer, to build up my resilience muscle. He kept asking me what it might look like to bounce back and move on with my life and career. How can you learn to be more resilient, self-starting, and, as my wife Ra El taught me, to be open to the universe?

Here are some of the exercises I used to strengthen my resilience muscle through career therapy.

• Optimism. Fortunately, the glass has always been half-full for me. I see what I have, not what’s missing. Counting my blessings became how I started my day. Each morning I focused on one thing or person that helped me keep my perspective. Optimism is a cornerstone for a resident mindset.
• Sleep. I recognized that regular sleep was as important as eating healthy and exercising. If I could rest and get deep sleep, I could handle what came at me. And sleep was like filling that glass half full of potent liquid opportunities that built confidence.
• Connections. It was around this time that I actively began my networking practice. Every day, I would call or meet with someone I knew and ask for advice, perspective, and ideas. I got so much from these conversations that I saw how it was a building block to resilience. Each day, as I grew my network, I felt emboldened – more decisive, more confident. When I joined LinkedIn, I invested time in using it as a powerful tool for developing relationships. I employed the vitamin approach to networking by adding one new connection a day.
• Helping. I found out that when I gave to others, it made me stronger. I joined several non-profits, found ways to be helpful to my network, and quickly adopted a mindset where I would ask connections, how can I help you? Through helping, I developed hope. From hope came confidence and appreciation.
• Curiosity. The most resilient folks I know are infinitely curious souls. They wonder about things all the time. They want to ask questions and find out about alternatives, options, and possibilities. Through reading, classes, listening to podcasts, and attending events and other activities, I found that my curiosity muscle is directly connected to my heart, health, and happiness.
• Perspective. When I’m worried about something – the quicker I can gain perspective, the better. Like a wide-angle lens on a camera, I realized my blessings when I stepped back and saw more of the picture. I like to ask the question, 99% of the 8 million humans alive now would love my problems or challenges. You are the lucky one with first-world worries and truly minor difficulties.

Resilience in Marketing

You can’t be a resilient marketer without being a resilient human. Marketing requires all these same skills mentioned above in this post. Curious optimists ask many questions and are never satisfied with one approach, answer, or solution. The best marketers I know have strengths based on lessons from failure or a lack of success.

It is OK to make mistakes and to experience setbacks. The critical skill of learning to be OK with failure means you are smarter than you were before.

I read a study that found that younger scientists who had meaningful failures or setbacks early in their careers went on to tremendous success later in their jobs compared to those who had big wins when they were young.

How are you investing in building resilience in your marketing practice and life? I’d love to hear how you flex your resilience muscle.

You can set up a time to chat with me about your marketing challenges using my calendar. Email me jeffslater@themarketingsage.com Call me. 919 720 0995. The conversation is free, and we can explore if working together makes sense. Watch a short video about working with me.

Photo by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash

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I have been so fortunate to have people in my marketing and business career who were the teachers I needed at just the right time. Being lucky, a teacher seems to arrive at the perfect moment.

I got the chance to work with some remarkable human beings who helped me in untold ways. I became a better marketer and generally more adept at business, but most importantly – a more caring human being. And the bonus is that they are all still in my life, continuing to help me in this latest chapter as a marketing consultant.

Writing the profiles and stories about my friends gives me great pleasure. Each represents an important time in my career, and they all continue to bring me powerful lessons, vast networks, and graceful guidance.  

Below isn’t a complete list because there are many more stories to tell. But if this were a book, each of these individuals met me during a chapter in my career. Each gave me a gift wrapped with advice, insights, and friendship.

In looking over the list, I notice most of these friends are white males.

I have yet to tell the stories of many women and people of color who also gave me untold gifts while working together. People like JoAnn McKinney, Rander Harris, Annette Gionfriddo, Shannon Wright, and Yolanda Castillo – to name a few, are important people whose stories I haven’t shared.

So, think of the posts written so far as a down payment on giving thanks and sharing stories of FOJ. (Friends of Jeff).

I have more writing to do.

I thought I’d put together a list linking to each of these profiles. If one of their life lessons appeals to you, maybe click the link and read more or share with a friend.

An Alphabetical List of Ten People Who Have Helped Me During My Journey

Tom Barbitta  How Duke’s Mayo Is Finding Its Twang – Tom is a teacher who taught me the importance of rallying a community around a brand. He did this with Oberto, Cheerwine, Rise Against Hunger, and Duke’s. Tom is a brand liberator.

Britt Carter – My Authentic Friend. Oh, Yeah. Britt showed up in my life when I was an inexperienced leader for a portfolio of brands. I needed guidance in public relations and reputation management. Most of all, I found a friend who listened and was thoughtful before speaking – teaching me about the wisdom of kind and constructive listening. And as a bonus, Britt does the best Macho Man imitation from years working with me and Randy on the Slim Jim business.

Nancy Frame  Who Created the 365 Logo for Whole Foods? When Nancy and I first met, she helped me learn some important lessons about the power of conveying a brand through packaging. She creates design magic and is masterful in her art as a premier packaging designer. She and her husband Bob are skilled visual communicators. The early work she did with Whole Foods Markets continues to intrigue me.

Paul Mabray  The Digital Wizard of Wine The saying goes that the teacher will arrive when the student has a question. Paul greeted me into the world of wine with open arms in 2009. He helped connect me with his array of wine experts and friends to help me learn about the industry. I love to watch him online or on the world stage share loving stories about his family or to observe his generous vintage spirit. Paul is a teacher who brings his whole self to every drop of life. He truly is the Digital Wizard of Wine.

Christopher Nunes – Branding & Visual Strategist Extraordinaire Chris helped me learn the incredible power of listening to consumers to pick up queues about what they want but can’t express. He has taught me so much about visual strategy and how to unleash the power of a brand. I cherish the days spent in focus groups with him, listening to him as he interprets consumer language and behavior. And he and I share a common bond as photographers when we were young building our creative muscles.

Anne Robie – Assume Best Intentions Anne’s gifts are numerous, but when I worked at Nomacorc, she was the head of HR. As a teacher, her lessons about the power of assuming someone’s good intentions shifted my attitude about working with different and complex personalities. Anne is a kind and caring friend who keeps on giving invaluable advice. Her new podcast, Flowing East and West, the Perfectly Imperfect Journey, is one of my favorites if you want to better understand your own journey.

Danny Rosin – Put Some Kindness in Your Marketing Tank When Danny and I first met, I knew that we would be fast friends. His generosity in working with non-profits and his weird and wild sense of humor immediately made him someone I had to bring closer into my life. I’m so grateful for his friendship and what I have learned watching him live his heart-centered life. Some days I want to call him up and ask him if he wants to come over and play – as if we were kids. I’m so glad he has never grown up.

Michael Schall A Balance Sheet of Human Equity Every time I meet someone who knows Mike, they want to talk about how fortunate they are to have him in their lives. I count Mike as a brother who has, from the moment we first met, always started each conversation with the phrase, how can I help you? I work hard to be like Mike. He has a well of kindness whose depth continues to amaze me and I’m honored to call him a teacher and a friend.

Bob Stapleton Entrepreneurs Wanted When I found myself unemployed for the first time in my life, I met Bob as a counselor at an out-placement office. Twenty years later, we are still friends, and he is still offering me guidance and wisdom. Bob is like a Sherpa, always helping me find my way up the mountain. He invited me to help some budding entrepreneurs unravel the mysteries of marketing. What a gift he gave me asking me to speak to this audience. He is a master at listening and providing calm, comforting, and insightful advice on people topics at work.

Lars von Kantzow – Lars, Leadership and A Lifetime Journey When your boss becomes a close friend, you realize how lucky you are to know someone who is the textbook definition of integrity. To this day, I marvel at his intelligence and ability to see critical strategic issues in complex situations. Most of all, I enjoy learning from Lars’ vast experience as a CEO, a global marketer, and a trusted friend.

Who Had A Meaningful Impact On Your Career?

Maybe you don’t have the time to write a story about people who have made an impact in your career. Maybe pick up the phone and call them to reconnect.

Everyone benefits from being grateful, especially to those teachers who appeared at the right time.

You can set up a time to chat with me about your marketing challenges using my calendar. Email me jeffslater@themarketingsage.com Call me. 919 720 0995. The conversation is free, and we can explore if working together makes sense. Watch a short video about working with me.

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Did you know that in the 1920s, the famed comedian, actor, and director Charlie Chaplin came in twentieth in a Chaplin look-a-like contest? Talk about imposter syndrome!

What did poor Charlie think when he couldn’t even be pick as the real Chaplin?

Imposter Syndrome

I have been thinking about imposter syndrome lately because it comes up often from some coaching work I have been doing with a few clients. Some of the individuals are young and inexperienced, so that’s not surprising.

But, finding folks in their 50’s with this fear wasn’t what I expected.

What’s exactly is imposter’s syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments—many questions whether they deserve accolades.

Expert on the subject, Dr. Valerie Young, has categorized it into subgroups: the Perfectionist, the Superwoman/man, the Natural Genius, the Soloist, and the Expert. In her book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer From the Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive despite It, Dr. Young builds on decades of research studying fraudulent feelings among high achievers.

• Perfectionists set such high and mostly unattainable goals that they end up satisfied and often feel inadequate.
• The Superwoman/Superman is someone who tries to outwork others. They feel they need to get validation from working – not the work itself.
• The Natural Genius gets frustrated if they can’t do it perfectly the first time. They feel shame if they can’t get something done right without effort.
• The Soloist feels that asking for help reveals their phoniness. They will either do it alone or not at all.
• The Expert believes they know it all. They are constantly seeking certification and social proof of knowledge from degrees.

Feeling like an Imposter?

Coaches and mentors can play an essential role in helping you sort through your feelings of inadequacy. They can help you see your competencies and skills without it being framed by what’s missing. In my career, I have worked with several great human resource leaders like Anne and Bob who have helped me overcome my feelings of inadequacy at various stages in my career.

Dr. Young’s book is worth reading if you are suffering from feeling like a fraud at work. Better yet, there are many executive coaches who I can recommend who can help you work through these issues.

Think you are experiencing imposter syndrome? Imagine how poor Charlie felt when he couldn’t convince people it was him in the contest?

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